Start Your Day off Right

10 May

Feeling like you’re always having mediocre days, feeling not as motivated in the morning, or rely on red bulls and penis boosting medication to try and get an “up” feeling? Well, I have some tips to start your day off right. I’m not sure what pee-pee meds had to do with anything.  If you don’t like smiling, then please stop reading and turn on Fox News. I don’t need your attitude, pal.

7 a.m., I wake up to the sound of my favorite indie artists. Either Two Door Cinema Club, Captain, or PMToday. I take my phone or computer, sit it up nice in the bathroom, and blast some up-beat music so i can dance and scrub at the same time. A nice warm rinse always gets me perky. Usually, I sit on the john and catch up on authentic, unbiased news like Yahoo! on my laptop. Which is just really celeb gossip or what religious symbol showed up on a cracker to remind us that God reminds us of our faith through things we put nearest to our faces before complete devouring it. Put on some slacks, a button-up, double windsor my tie and graciously inhale a pot of coffee. While driving to work, I like to call someone I know who is awake, or more than likely not awake just to catch up. I like to talk to others in the a.m.

Something that I found incredibly amusing is warming up your voice for the day. Everyone yaps like a teenage girl with braces, so it’s good to have warm vocal chords for the day ahead.  I warm up by singing along with the band Mayday Parade, usually the song “Stay” or “Oh Well, Oh Well” because they hit notes I can never hit, making me laugh at myself for amusement.

Upon arriving to work, I change my facial expression to match the aura of everyone else. You don’t want to be a cheery guy, let everyone else catch up to what you did already, or you can take the route of being Larry loud-mouth and chew their ear off like Tyson. I sit at my desk and do a thing called “7 mittens on kittens”. This process involves a computer mouse, your index finger, and both pairs of eyes. So, make sure you keep these supplies handy. Now, you can google search: Super Cute Kittens. Oh my, Tyler. Why would I do all that work? Well, you don’t have to… let me google that for you.

“Gee, you sure are a swell fella!” I say for you. Then, if you can’t manage to have a wonderful morning after all of this, I searched some possible jobs for you to do.

Good luck.

– Tyler J. Cuda


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